You can't special order awesome
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
