My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
