They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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