Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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