I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize