oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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