why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
