I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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