every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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