____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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