He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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