wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
