we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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