i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
