She is in my trunk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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