I wanna bring you to show and tell
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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