No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
