will power is for people who don't want to get laid
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
