ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
