I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
