it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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