i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize