Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
