You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
