So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
