I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
