She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
