I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Someone signed my nipple.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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