i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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