I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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