i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
