You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
