I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
