He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize