Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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