is your mom at the bar?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
