I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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