Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
