your room smells of hookers.
And success
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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