He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
