Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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