I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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