There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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