Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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