I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
they need to just BURY HIM!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You made out with two different species that night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
