trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
