i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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