Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
