In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
