dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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