he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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