Apparently you make a good broom.
either way he was missing a nipple.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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