If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
