What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
