we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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