Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
