Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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