yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
