Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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