Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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