She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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