I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
