Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
