i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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