this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
