I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
