went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
its liver damage thursday
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
