I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
