the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
