she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
