Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
