I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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