I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
