Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
