The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize