Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
