last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
