love makes seman taste better
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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