Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
