I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My bed smells like the plague
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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