as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
