My hand turned me down
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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