So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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