I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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