imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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