I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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