i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
