i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You left your phone here
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