I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize