He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
