Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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