If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
what day is it and did you see me today?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
