He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Houston, we have a blender
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
