Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
