mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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