We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
