Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
