i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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