I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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