Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so let's talk penis.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
